I have had many people comment to Tyler and I about how "strong" we are to go through this trial of a loved ones passing, and about the beautiful words that "we wrote" on Marshall's blog. I don't know how strong we really are, I definitely don't feel I could claim any part of the word "strength" right now, but I do know we have felt "strengthened" by so, so many! We thank you and we truly love you!
A little bit about the words that "we wrote". I can claim that we typed them into the computer, and gave Marshall a voice. But the blog was his . . . Marshall's voice. During the whole ordeal that was March the Fourth, Two Thousand and Thirteen, I was anguished, bereft, heartbroken (choose your favorite word to describe intense suffering and I feel it would barely touch the surface of the feelings I felt that day). Yet at the same time, I had thoughts running through my head . . . "hope is hoping FOR the best, while hoping THROUGH the worst" . . . "We've all been hoping for the day that I could go home with my parents and meet all my friends" . . . "I made it home. Just not the one we were originally hoping for". These hope-filled messages kept entering my mind at the same time I contemplated joining Marshall, while knowing that anything I could do would not really be joining him at all.
I have had friends and family tell me of the strong spirit that they have felt around Marshall. Claiming a visit to his bedside as a sacred experience. As I have mentioned before in Marshall's blog, looking at the world through his eyes has been a sacred experience. His faith has strengthened mine. His voice has given me reason to go on and not give in to my thoughts of despair. His life was inspirational and he never "spoke" a word. I felt privileged to give his messages a medium, a place to be expressed and recorded. I will cherish his words and short journey on this earth throughout my life by drawing on their strength, and not just enduring, but attempting to "endure it well".
There is no doubt in my mind that these were Marshall's words you and Tyler shared and I am SO grateful you were able to give them voice. I'm also grateful that his sweet words still come to you, even in your grief. I know he is with you and doing his best to help bear you up through this tender time. His short life was powerful and his influence for good will continue on in the lives of countless people for eternity. What a blessing your little guy is!
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